Letting Go
by JaeSan
Summary: Quinn thinks about why she stays with an annoyingly famous Rachel Berry


Just a little something to distract me from my writers block on Maybe This Time...drop a review if you like it...or if you hate it (just don't be mean) and as always thanks for taking a look :)  
I don't own Glee or the charcters, or any famous people mentioned in this story

Letting Go

She hates that he knows her so well that he immediately knows something's wrong as she hangs up the phone. He just hates that look she gets on her face. He always hates it, but he especially hates it on special occasions. On special occasions it's impossible for him to keep the anger off his face and she thinks it sucks that her best friend hates her girlfriend. This time all she does is give him a warning look, but he refuses it and shakes his head. She tries not to roll her eyes at his concern because he's sweet for caring and she doesn't want to take her anger out on him. She's Quinn Fabray, she knows it happens.

He tells her it's their anniversary as if she doesn't know that already and she's tuning him out, wishing she knew why she loved Rachel Berry so much. He's moved on to the part of the conversation where he says that Rachel's taking advantage again and she's barely controlling her urge to punch him in the face because in moments like these, when her heart is a little bit vulnerable, she tends to think that...he's not exactly wrong.

She thinks it enough for herself every time they fight, every time Rachel lets her down and every time she's alone. She wishes that things between them weren't so dramatic and simple all at the same time, but seriously she's with Rachel freakin' Berry, there was never any doubt that there would be a certain amount of crazy.

She just wishes that this time could have been one of the simple ones. She hasn't even asked for anything huge. Just a night in with her girlfriend curling up and watching a movie. She tries hard not to be bitter that Rach can't even manage that. He's bitter enough for the both of them and if she continues this way she won't even make it home to wait for Rachel to show up. That's what he's trying for and she doesn't want to give in to him tonight. It'll only end up the way it always does with her crying on his shoulder and him with a hurt look on his face that she still heads back to Rachel when the night is over. She spares him this as often as she can.

So, she let's his voice fade to the back of her mind and in honor of their anniversary she thinks about falling in love with Rachel Berry. She thinks about being in love with Rachel Berry and she thinks about Rachel Berry loving her back. He doesn't think it's possible and sometimes she wonders if he's only friends with her so that he can be around if they suddenly decide they're just not built to last. She knows that's what Rachel thinks of him, but he's helped her through some pretty rough times so Quinn finds it impossible to hate him for it.

He's looking at her expectantly and she sighs as she thinks about bumping into Rachel in New York after she follows a guy to NYU her second semester of college. She's studying with him in a coffee shop when Rachel walks in and they have an awkward reunion which results in an even more awkward phone number exchange and She forgets about it until a few weeks later when She hops a wrong train and can't figure out how to get back to where She started.

She hops a few more trains and when She still doesn't recognize anything She panics a little and tries to call Mark. Mark ignores her and she's forced to remember that Rachel Berry's phone number is stored in her phone. She hates the nervousness in her stomach as she dials, but likes the timidness in Rachel's voice when she answers. Rachel sort of laughs at her, but shows up thirty minutes later to pick her up and give her a subway lesson. It only takes Quinn five minutes to want to punch Rachel in the face.

When she breaks up with Mark she wishes she had anyone else in the city to call, but Rachel is surprisingly sweet about the whole thing and even restrains from giving her a lecture about what happens when one spontaneously follows a guy to New York to live with him when you barely know him. She's grateful for Rachel's hospitality and she doesn't want to punch her in the face for a whole week. Rachel is smiling as Quinn finally says it and the other girl laughs and tells her it's a record before she dashes out the door toward Julliard.

She starts junior year and doesn't bother to move out of Rachel's apartment, she just starts paying rent. Rachel smiles the first time Quinn hands her money and she sort of likes it when Rachel starts calling on her way home to see what she wants for dinner. She wants to punch her roommate the first time she calls to see if she's awake, but she also starts to like the way Rachel smiles when she says the words.

She wonders how long he can lecture her about the evils of Rachel Berry, but she's thinking about the way Rachel's lips felt against hers the first time they kissed, so she doesn't pay him too much attention. Rachel does it the summer before their last year of college. It's pretty much the best kiss she's ever had. Rachel's mouth feels perfect moving against hers, it's too bad the perfectness doesn't stop her from freaking out and pushing the other girl away. Rachel's a little hurt, but asks Quinn not to hit her in the face because she's planning to try out for her senior play.

She gets irritated that her irritation at being kissed wears off as she spies a hint of a twinkle in the brunette's eye. She's staring into those eyes and she realizes that she's in love and seriously it does sort of make her want to punch something because this is Rachel 'Man Hands' Berry standing in front of her. She fights the urge to hit the other girl though, because it turns out that once Quinn realizes she's in love, she finds everything Rachel does, even the annoying ones, sickeningly adorable. She spends two years being grossly happy with the diva before reality hits _her_ square in the face.

He looks at her in exasperation when he realizes that she's not listening to him and she sighs again. She's tired of Rachel and she's tired of him. She stares down at her coffee watching as it gets cold and tries to swallow all of it back down. She left Rachel once, she doesn't think she can ever do it again. Even in moments like this where her girlfriend is twisting her heart out of her chest.

Rachel does some indie movie that's a little bit out of her comfort zone, but the brunette kills it and gains status as Hollywood's 'breakout star' of the year. She watches as suddenly, everyone wants a piece of her girlfriend and she just wants to scream at anyone who will listen that Rachel is hers. Their first real fight ends with Quinn crying and Rachel slamming the door as she storms out of the apartment.

She waits up until Rachel finally returns to tell Quinn that she loves her, but she's taking her job in California anyway. "This was always my dream, Quinn and you always knew. It would be incredibly foolish of me to turn down this opportunity. Les Mis starts in a month, I'll be back on Broadway and things will go back to normal." It's not the first time in the last few months that she's heard this promise so while Rachel's gone she packs up her things and ships them back to Lima. She cries the entire time. Rachel doesn't cry at all when Quinn tells her she's going home.

He shakes his head at her and starts to backtrack when he realizes that she doesn't need to hear him badmouthing the love of her life. He tries to make her feel better and she wishes that she could take back everything she's ever done that caused him pain. She spends her first three months in Lima crying on his shoulder about breaking up with Rachel and being forced to live with her mother.

Turns out Lima isn't so bad when you're not stuck there and she takes a little bit of comfort in the predictability of Ohio and in his company. He scoffs at her every time she Googles the name 'Rachel Berry' and she tries to forget how much Rachel never loved her. She moves in with him and tries even harder to forget, but sometimes when she lays next to him, she still wishes it was Rachel.

They inch forward and she knows that she can't love him the way he loves her, but he just smiles his understanding when she tells him, so she tries anyway. She seriously wants to punch Rachel when she shows up at her door at two in the morning. She narrowly avoids the urge when Rachel pulls off the sunglasses that are apparently necessary in the middle of the night and Quinn sees the misery all over the still beautiful face staring back at her. "There's a bar across the street." Rachel says and she can smell the alcohol that she missed in her annoyance.

Not for the first time she wishes that she hated Rachel and she sighs, grabs her jacket and her keys and leads Rachel out to her car. "I missed you." Is the only thing that Rachel says on the way to the Berry house, Quinn tries to digest it.

She succeeds in pulling Rachel's clothes off and deposits her under her blankets. "I missed you." Rachel says again as Quinn sets a glass of water and three Tylenol next to Rachel's bed and she still can't quite believe her so she leaves without saying anything back to the brunette.

He's waiting up for her when she walks back into their apartment and he stares at her for a long time before he pulls the blankets back and tells her to come back to bed. Even as she's crawling in next to him she wishes that he would just get angry. She snuggles deeper into his side and tries to push the sight of perfectly smooth tan skin out of her head and angry tears out of her eyes.

Against her better judgment she visits Rachel the next day while the girl is nursing a hangover and rolls her eyes at the presence of the sunglasses on Rachel's face. They sit on the Berry's porch and talk about him. "I love him, you should go back to New York." Quinn's trying to convince herself that she's not hoping Rachel came to beg forgiveness. Rachel spends most of the conversation in silence. The diva shrugs and nods as Quinn finishes talking and watches through those sunglasses as she leaves. Quinn hates Rachel for the non reaction. She doesn't look back as she saunters away.

He's gone silent, knowing that nothing he's saying is getting through and She watches his eyes as they blink from caring to angry right in front of her. She wishes he really knew how hard she tried to love him. She stays with him and does her best not to give Rachel a second thought. It mostly works until she runs into her at the grocery store two weeks later. Rachel pulls off the sunglasses in greeting and Quinn struggles with the shock of what's actually behind them. She takes pity on this broken version of Rachel Berry and agrees to the cup of coffee that the girl proposes.

When they sit, She's still trying to bury the concern that Rachel stirs in her and takes control of her hand seconds before it reaches up to cover a paler than normal cheek. Rachel looks as though sleep has been evasive since Quinn left her ex-girlfriend in New York. Rachel's eyes are so dark they're almost bruised and She doesn't miss the redness she sees when Rach tries to smile at her.

Rachel's quiet and Quinn's trying not to stare, this is not Rachel Berry. The woman across from her isn't struggling to sit still, she doesn't smile and can barely speak. She tries not to care what happened to produce this shell of Rachel Berry. "What are you doing here, Rachel?" She sighs out the question, not bothering to hide her irritation.

"You're with him." Rachel says and then goes silent again.

The lack of explanation frustrates her further. "Go home, Rachel." She shakes her head and turns to leave the table, grabbing the check as she goes.

Rachel sighs at her and She doesn't want to care about the lack of emotion in everything that Rachel does. "This _is_ home, Quinn. Thanks for the coffee." She stares, dumbfounded, as Rachel adjusts the dark glasses back to their home and heads for the parking lot. Quinn lets this stew for a week before she breaks his heart and simultaneously puts Rachel's back together.

He's watching her and she has a feeling that he knows what she's thinking about. He doesn't leave though and she's grateful because she doesn't really want to be alone. He scowls when her phone rings again and she shrugs as she ignores it. She doesn't really love that this action makes him smile, but if he insists on feeding his pain, she'll afford him some relief when she can.

Rachel's fathers thank her when she agrees to give their daughter another chance and she knows it's only because Rachel starts to smile again. She doesn't think it's so bad being in Lima, especially when they move in together. Rachel gets a job at Carmel, of all places, coaching Vocal Adrenaline and they spend six months being happy. They both work, Rachel cooks and sometimes she brings home flowers, so when she finds out exactly how unhappy Rachel actually is, it hits her like a freight train.

She was planning to cook her girlfriend dinner, watch her favorite movie and screw her senseless, but instead she's standing in front of their movie collection, puzzled as she reaches for Funny Girl and realizes it's absence. She looks through the house for it and it's only when she's back in front of the shelf staring at it blankly that she understands that Rachel has gotten rid of it.

She only comes to this conclusion when she notices that along with Funny Girl, Rent, Grease, West Side Story, Evita and every other musical Rachel owns, along with her own copy of Rocky Horror, are missing as well. Her whole evening goes down the drain as she sits on the couch and stares at the shelf. She tries to ignore what it means and instead of romancing Rachel that night all she does is start a fight. Rachel's stubbornness maddens her to no end, it always has. Rachel does not want to talk about the missing movies, so they don't talk at all.

She doesn't mention the missing movies again, but she notices things that make it impossible for her to pretend that Rachel Berry is happy in Lima. The show tunes go next, she finds them in the trash with an invite to the Oscars that she didn't even know Rachel had received. She waits until Rachel's sleeping to sneak them up to the attic. She needs time to think.

At Christmas their former Glee club makes plans to go caroling with Will and his new New Directions, at the last second Rachel decides to head home before they even begin singing. She questions the decision and Rachel blames it on her Jewishness and her status as coach for Vocal Adrenaline. She watches Rachel go and realizes with quiet shock that she hasn't heard Rachel sing in over three months.

Rachel used to sing while she cooked, or cleaned, or showered, even sometimes in slumber. Listening to the sound of the brunette's beautiful voice echoing through their house is one of the many reasons Quinn loves her so much. She doesn't go caroling, instead she visits Rachel's father. The one Rachel calls 'Daddy'. "How long has Rachel been unhappy?" She gets straight to the point as he sets a cup of coffee in front of her and sits across the table.

"What are you talking about, Quinn?"

She rolls her eyes as he tries to dodge her question. "Please, Sir." She pleads with him.

He regards her seriously and she doesn't waver under his gaze even though her skin is crawling with nerves. "Since you left her in New York." He answers and Quinn thinks he's trying to break her heart by telling her how much pain she actually caused his daughter.

"How could she not tell me?" She's whispering it mostly to herself, but there's a reason she chose him instead of Rachel's other father.

"How could you not know?" He counters. She thinks he's right, of course. How could she not have seen how much she was suffocating Rachel by making Lima their permanent home. Rachel was never meant to be in such a small place. "What are you going to do, now that you know?" She wishes he would stop looking at her, she can't think with the accusation in his eyes as he glares at her.

She swallows. "Send her back to New york, what else would I do."

He shakes his head. "Won't work. I tried to send her back the minute she arrived. She refused to go without you." He sips his coffee and smiles at her sadly. "You only really have a few options, Quinn. Pretend you never saw whatever you saw that made you realize she hates it here." She thinks about that for a few seconds and wonders how much longer Rachel can pretend to be happy with her. "You can break her heart and eventually my baby will pick up the pieces and go running back." She tries not to let her face show that this option is the one she's mulling over. "Or you can make her the happiest woman in the world and take her there."

"I can't." She whispers.

"Well then, you have to let her go, Quinn. She'll die here eventually. We never raised Rachel to settle and that's exactly what she's doing. It's exactly what you're letting her do. Whatever you decide, I'll try not to hold it against you. Stay as long as you need." She takes a little bit of comfort in his hand on her shoulder as he leaves her at the table and tries to get herself ready to break Rachel's heart.

As she drives home she tells herself that leaving Rachel the second time will be easier than the first. She knows it will be impossible when she arrives and Rachel's sleeping on the couch waiting for her. She's sitting in a chair watching the tiny girl sleep as she recalls the first time she left and she knows it will be harder this time. For both of them. She lays a blanket over the sleeping girl and heads to the kitchen to make them a light snack for when sleeping beauty wakes up. She's pulling a fork out of the garbage when she finds a letter from Rachel's former agent. Curiosity grips her as she reaches for the crumpled letter, he wants her to come to New York to audition for a new stage production based on the movie Moulin Rouge! She wonders how many crumpled letters made it to their destination in the Lima dump and stares at it forever before she makes her decision.

Rachel comes home from work a few days later and finds her sitting at the table with the letter from her agent and a plane ticket to New York. She watches Rachel as she freezes in the doorway and walks slowly into the kitchen. "I won't go without you."

"You have to. I don't want to make you unhappy, Rachel." She walks toward the shorter girl.

Rachel refuses to let Quinn's arms anywhere near her. "Please don't break me again." Rachel whispers. She turns away and braces herself against the counter.

Quinn's heart clenches in her chest. "I'm breaking you by letting you stay here, Rachel."

"I know I don't say it often enough, Quinn. I love you." Rachel's right, she doesn't always say it, but Quinn never faults her because she barely says it herself.

She succeeds in getting her arm around Rachel's waist, "I love you, too. That's why I can't keep you here."

"No!" The force in Rachel's voice surprises her. "You've known me my whole life, Quinn. You and everybody else in this town knows how much I wanted everything. Oscars and Tonys and Grammys. I love New York and I love that life, and I certainly didn't count on loving you, but I do. I had a choice and I chose you over everything else that I love, please don't make that into nothing by breaking my heart again. It is my choice to be here, with you."

"Rachel." She tried again.

"Until you tell me that you don't love me anymore, I'm not going."

She sighs at Rachel's ever present stubbornness. "This place is too small for you, Rachel. You'll suffocate here."

She sees Rachel's fear at her words, but no regret. "Not as long as I have you." She wishes she could take comfort in Rachel's words, but she wonders how long she can breath for both of them. She gives in to Rachel's kisses and touches and let's her girlfriend make love to her against the counter. They make it to the bedroom and Rachel's wrapped desperately around her body as the smaller girl sleeps and she's awake the rest of the night thinking about how much Rachel Berry loves her.

She can't let Rachel stay here, she loves her too much for that so a week later when she confronts Rachel again about New York it ends a little bit differently. She buys a copy of every movie that Rachel threw away, brings the box of discarded CDs down from the attic and arranges them around two tickets to New York. Equal parts of her hate and love the smile that breaks out on Rachel's face and she hopes she's strong enough to go through all the craziness again.

He's uncomfortable by her question, she can tell as he averts his gaze. "Do you think I made the right decision?"

She's not usually so vulnerable with him and he doesn't quite know how to word his answer. "Do you think you did?" He knows exactly what she's talking about and she wishes she didn't ask it as soon as it escapes her mouth. He answers her with a question she's not entirely prepared for either and it rolls around in her head as she tries to find the answer. As is with everything Rachel Berry there's no easy answer in sight.

By the time she joins Rachel in New York her girlfriends determination has already landed her two parts. She's a little relieved when Rachel chooses the smaller role to give them time to settle in, but their bliss doesn't last long because honestly Rachel is super talented and scarily determined. She listens to Rachel's excitement and tries not to feel left out, she laughs gently when Rachel rants about the injustices of show business and soothes her over missed parts and over exhaustion.

She spends the year mostly happy until Rachel needs to spend six months in LA when she gets the role of Elphaba in the movie version of Wicked. She doesn't want to leave her friends or her job and tells Rachel to go without her. "Seriously, Rachel. What the hell am I going to do in LA for six months while you spend sixteen hours a day shooting and recording." She doesn't mean for it to come out as harsh as it does.

"I don't know, Quinn, but don't you agree that being on separate ends of the country would be detrimental to our relationship." Rachel crosses her arms over her chest much like a child and Quinn storms out the door to think. She doesn't want to go six months without seeing Rachel, but she doesn't want to go to LA and feel like she doesn't matter. Sometimes she thinks that her time with the diva is limited. Sometimes she thinks that she and Rachel don't fit as well as they think they do. She's pretty sure that being in LA will make Rachel even bigger than she already is and she doesn't want to sit and watch the woman she loves soar away from her.

She changes her mind when she gets home to find Rachel's agent on their doorstep. "Tell your girlfriend she's being crazy." Are the first words out of her mouth.

"Not if I want to get laid like, ever again." She smirks when the woman blushes a little. There are days when this woman sees Rachel more than she does and Quinn hates her a little bit for that. "Rachel doesn't take the 'C' word very well."

"Well I couldn't stop myself because this time it's true."

"I'll be sure to let her know, if she ever speaks to me again." She mumbles as she unlocks the door and doesn't bother to ask the woman if she wants to come in.

"She told me to back her out of Wicked." The woman lets the words tumble out as Quinn is shutting the door on her.

"What?"

"Crazy." The agent says in confirmation.

She nods and closes the door and goes into find Rachel curled up on their bed, her eyes red from crying. "I'm going to need you to myself at least one day a week. I mean it, no business calls, no shop talk, just you and me and whatever I plan for us. Also I don't want to be in a hotel for six months." Rachel nods tentatively and glows a smile at her, she wonders if that smile will always be enough.

Rachel keeps her word and keeps most weekends open just for her, but sometimes while Rachel shoots for the entire day she gets bored and lonely. She recognizes his name on a flier for a surfing contest and her heart skips in her chest as she shows up to see him. He looks more at home here than in Ohio and she tries not to smile at him too wide. He starts to keep her company on the days that Rachel is absent and she cringes when it blows up on her. Both of them are staring awkwardly at a photo of themselves holding hands on the beach in front of her house. This photo is set against one of her and Rachel sharing a kiss at a concert last Saturday.

To her credit Rachel never asks her if she's cheating, but she wonders how hard the brunette is thinking it. They don't speak all week and Rachel skips out on their weekend plans. She can't blame Rachel for it and she wonders why she didn't tell her about him. Rachel ends their non-fight by telling her to invite him to dinner with them. She does most of the talking and it's completely awkward, but they get through it and after that Rachel simply accepts her friendship with him. They never talk about what he means to her, and Quinn's grateful that Rachel seems to understand her need for his friendship.

Rachel cancels a date and she's alone and drunk and kisses him once in a moment of self pity. He kisses back until she pushes away. Guilt hits her hard and she throws up on his shoes and she doesn't talk to him for a month even though he calls everyday to apologize. She doesn't tell Rachel until she asks why he hasn't been around. Rachel's mouth sets in anger and she does her best ever Diva storm out. Quinn waits for her to come back and thinks about what the kiss meant to her. She's somewhat surprised that it meant nothing, and hopes Rachel will believe her when she tells her.

She does, but she's never the same toward him again and Quinn can hardly fault her for that, if anyone else ever put their lips near Rachel's she'd have no trouble giving them the cold shoulder. She's certain that Rachel is much more tolerant of him than she would be. Rachel works on a few more projects, they stay in LA through awards season, which Rachel attends solo or with a cast mate, and head back to New York in time for the Tonys. Rachel is performing, and nominated for one, and she begs Quinn to come with her.

It's her first award show with Rachel and she's somewhat stunned by Rachel's confidence as she works the Red Carpet. Rachel keeps her fingers laced with Quinn's even as she stops to talk to everyone who shouts her name. Her girlfriend is completely at home amidst the flashing lights and organized chaos and she tries not to be awkward as she poses for pictures against Rachel's side. Most of them want to talk about the upcoming release of Wicked and a few want to talk about _her_. Rachel introduces her to everyone, but to her relief is a pro at dodging questions about their personal life. She's pleasant, subtly vague and teasingly charming when they ask about Quinn and standing next to her she finally understands why it is so easy for everyone to love her girlfriend. This is a Rachel Berry she has never seen before and she finds _herself _a tiny bit starstruck and just a little bit more in love.

She can't even describe the pride mixed with insane arousal at the sight of her girlfriend on the stage and she's ecstatic with her decision to accompany Rachel until they arrive at the after party. She feels even smaller than she felt on the Red Carpet. Rachel still keeps her hand tightly in her own, but she has never been overlooked so many times in her life. A few people make a big deal over meeting her, but then they focus in on Rachel and she tries not to fidget as Rachel charms whoever it happens to be.

She tries to focus on the feeling of Rachel's hand in her own. How perfectly tiny and soft it feels wrapped in her own. How incredibly beautiful Rachel's smoothly tanned fingers look against her pale ones. She wishes quietly that they didn't look so perfect together, wishes that she didn't love her so much, wishes that her hand could feel perfect in someone else's and not just Rachel's. When Kristen Chenoweth smiles at her and turns to talk to Rachel about Wicked she decides to catch a cab back home and wait for Rachel there. It's easier to wait for her alone than to stand next to her and watch her shine, wondering why Rachel comes back to her at all.

She drops her hand and makes it ten steps before she feels the warmth of Rachel's hand wrapped securely around hers. "Ready to take off?" She's surprised to hear the brunette whisper in her ear, "Or can I talk you into one dance before we go?"

"That was Kristin Chenoweth." She says incredulously and her girlfriend gives her a small smile.

"She's quite famous, Angel. I know who she is." Rachel leads her out to dance.

"She was telling you how amazing you were. You should go back and finish your conversation."

"I'd much rather dance with the most beautiful woman in the room than talk to anyone here."

Quinn blushes hard as Rachel let's her lead and tries again. "Yes, but you can see me anytime. That was _Kristin Chenoweth_. Telling _you_ how amazing you are."

She watches Rachel laugh softly and rest her head on a pale shoulder. "You're Quinn Fabray and I'd much rather hear _you _tell me how amazing I am. In fact, I plan on making you scream it later." She feels Rachel grin into her neck as her body flushes at the diva's words as Rachel starts to sing gently into her ear and they sway to the music.

He's watching her struggle to find an answer and finally breaks the silence. "I think that when I look at Rachel I only see what I see. Which to be honest, and don't kill me, is an incredibly self centered actress who doesn't love you enough to remember that it's your five year anniversary and you're more important than fame. I think you love her. I think that I hate her for hurting you, and I think that the fact that _I_ love you keeps me from seeing why you love _her_."

"Are you friends with me because you want to be here when we fail?" She asks the question, not keeping the curiosity out of her voice, she figures she should ask while their having this moment of honesty.

He smiles, "I'm friends with you because I love you and apparently I have a thing for pain. But I guess the answer to that is yeah, it sorta sucks, but I am here on the off chance that I could have you, but I don't really think that's gonna happen so I guess there's more than one answer to that question. No matter what, I always care about you, I hate to see you hurting and if there's ever anything I can do to ease that then I'll do it because I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't. That's the guy I am."

She watches as he averts his eyes to his own coffee cup. "Do you hate me for wanting you in my life even though I know it hurts you?"

He shrugs, "It's my choice to be here and you never give me hope so," He smiles and she feels like she should leave. "Nah, I couldn't hate you if I tried. Wanna head back to your place? I'll hang for a bit til Rachel calls again." He's done with the conversation and she refuses to push him so she nods sullenly and follows him to the counter where he pays for the coffee. They spend the cab ride back to her place in silence her hand in his. He stares out the window and she stares down at their hands.

Even with all the time he spends in the sun, his are not as beautifully tanned as Rachel's. She likes the way the heat of his hand envelopes her smaller one, but not in the same way she loves the way Rachel's smaller hand feels in hers. His fingers are rough where Rachel's are smooth and there's something about the brunette's hand in hers that she feels in her chest every time her girlfriend squeezes her hand or soothes her thumb over Quinn's skin.

They're back in LA because Jesse St. James started a brilliant show about a high school Glee Club that's taking the world by storm and she just barely resists the urge to sue the shit out of him when one of his characters who happens to be a blonde cheerleader gets knocked up. The urge mostly stems over her jealousy that he spends so much time with Rachel, whom he personally recruited to do a guest run for the second half of the season. The tabloids have a field day when they find out that Rachel and the Jackass were actually in the same Glee club and she hates that the three of them end up on more covers than she can count.

Rachel plays the part of a crazy substitute choir director who continually tries to find ways to get rid of what Quinn thinks is the Schuester character. The character is sort of like Shelby, Coach Sylvester, and Miss Holiday all rolled into one and she watches every week and tries not to let the show dredge up too many memories for her. Rachel's character falls in love with one of the students and flees to New York at the end of the season in a whirlwind of sexual tension and teenage angst that leaves her feeling secretly nostalgic every time she's forced to sit through an episode. Jesse St. James has a tiny flair for the dramatic, it works for what he does and she tries not to hate him any time she has to be in the same room as him.

They extend their stay in LA so Rachel can do the awards shows and this time she attends them all with her girlfriend. By this time she's mostly used to the way the paparazzi completely ignores her. She stays by Rachel's side and talks to the few who are nice enough to acknowledge her. She sort of hates every time she's asked to step out of the way so someone can snap a picture of Rachel and ask her about her dress. Moments like these make her hate being 'Rachel Berry's Partner' and not only because she hates the phrase 'life partner'. She just hates how anonymous she becomes in Rachel's shadow.

She stays at the after party for a half an hour before she texts Rachel from the taxi telling her that she's on her way home and for Rachel to stay and have fun. She sighs when Rachel returns with a smiley face. She's laying in bed hating the empty space next to her. It's not like she shouldn't be used to it by now, but even after all the years she's spent waiting for Rachel to come home, she still finds it incredibly difficult to fall asleep without her girlfriend plastered to her side.

She sighs and pulls the blankets over her head and inhales the scent of Rachel's skin on their sheets. It soothes her enough for her to close her eyes and she spends the next twenty minutes in a state between being awake and being asleep. Unfortunately this is how she spends most nights when Rachel's away. She thinks it's her imagination working overtime when she feels the bed move as Rachel climbs under the covers with her and snuggles into her blonde locks.

"I wasn't expecting you for another few hours." She says as Rachel brushes her hair away from her neck to plant tiny kisses over the back of her neck. Her breath hitches as Rachel's hand sneaks under her shirt and starts to caress her bare skin as it makes its way to her breasts.

"I missed you." Rachel whispers against her ear before her teeth capture a perfect earlobe causing Quinn to moan as she turns to meet Rachel's mouth with her own and is met with a completely naked girlfriend. Rachel giggles a little, "I love that you still look at me like that."

"Like what?" She asks playfully.

Rachel's eyes turn serious and darken with arousal, "Like if you can't have me, you might die." She kisses Rachel and when she pulls away Rachel's eyes stare into hers, "I love you, Quinn."

She loves the intensity of the rarely spoken words, "You're right." She says as she rolls on top of Rachel, "If I can't have you I might die." When she's laying on her back panting as the tiny star curls into her side she has no trouble closing her eyes and drifting into happy slumber the words 'I love you' rolling tiredly off her tongue as Rachel's breathing deepens into a light snoring sound that the brunette insists she doesn't make.

She smiles as she squeezes his hand and pulls hers back to her own side of the seat. "Yes." She says decisively, he looks at her questioningly. "Yes. I think I made the right decision. I _know_ I made the right decision. You're right. I love her."

"And you think she loves you enough?" It's a serious question and this time she doesn't hesitate to answer because no matter what happens she always knows the answer to that question.

"Yes. She loves me more than enough." His eyes question how she knows she looks away and stares out the window as she answers, all of her thinking today has made it abundantly clear why she loves Rachel. "I don't want to let her be famous, but it's what she wants. I don't love sitting and feeling invisible next to her, but I will. I hate always waiting for her, but it's worth it because no matter what she always comes back. Rachel has her flaws, and I might end up lonely and sad sometimes because of them, but she always chooses me." She turns her head to meet his eyes and smiles. "No matter how many times she disappoints me, if I asked her to she would give it all up for me. She _has_ given it up for me. That time we spent in Lima means something and I'll let her go a million times if it means that I get to watch her come back every time."

He nods sadly, but only because he finally understands, he finally sees everything that she sees when she looks at Rachel and maybe because of that he's finally ready to let her go. His eyes brighten as they arrive at they're destination and he pays the cab driver. He smiles to himself as they climb the stairs and he thinks maybe he'll give Rachel Berry a chance. She unlocks the door and they're both met with a chorus of "Happy Anniversary!" As she steps through the door.

She can feel the surprise on her face as she takes in their apartment. There's decorations and people everywhere and standing in front of it all is Rachel Berry in all of her five two beauty, smiling mischievously at her. "Happy Anniversary, Gorgeous." Rachel whispers as they embrace. "Your gift, Angel." She takes the box Rachel holds out and opens it. Inside is a diamond ring and two airline tickets. When she looks to Rachel again the woman is on her knee. "Marry me." Rachel requests, swallows nervously and takes her hand.

She swallows down tears as she admires Rachel's hand against hers and manages to choke out the word "Yes." Rachel's grin is still enough for her as it spreads as wide as she's ever seen it and her fiance stands to secure the diamond on her finger. Rachel kisses her until their audience starts getting rowdy behind them and Rachel pulls her mouth away, but keeps her arm around her waist as she greets all of her friends. "So where are we going?" She asks a little while later when they're alone in the kitchen.

"Well I thought I would take a couple months off so we could celebrate our engagement. I thought we could make our way around Europe for a few weeks to kick it off, you've always talked about going one day and I've always wanted to visit the West End. We can do something else though, you're choice. The tickets are refundable."

"I would love to go to Europe and have you all to myself for a while."

"I figured. I'm sorry it's been so crazy lately."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." She replies as she leans forward to press a chaste kiss to Rachel's full mouth. "You know I really thought you were working."

Rachel giggles. "Sorry I wanted it to be a surprise. Kurt and I have been planning for weeks. I'm surprised I didn't tell you." She watches Rachel's giggle settle into a knowing and smug smile, "You were angry weren't you?"

She watches Rachel's face and she's sort of impressed at her girlfriend for not spilling sooner as well. She laces their fingers and presses her lips to the back of Rachel's hand. "You know I sort of want to punch you in the face right now." Rachel tilts her head back and laughs. "I wouldn't have it any other way, Angel."


End file.
